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Post  GLR xGlitch Itx on Thu Aug 23, 2012 2:53 pm

Joke 1
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she's an optician."

Joke 2
My dad was Speeding down the road and got pulled over by a policeman he muttered the word twat. So i said whats a twat daddy? He replied just another name for a policeman son.

When we got home i walked in and mum was cutting in to a turkey and she cut herself and yelled the word fuck. So i said what does fuck mean mummy?

She said just another word for cutting the turkey son.

Then i walked upstairs to see my father shaving and he cut himself and yelled bollocks. So i said what does bollocks mean daddy?

And he said just another word for shaving son.

Then there was a knock at the door, it was the policeman. So i said hello twat mums inside fucking the turkey and dads upstairs shaving his bollocks.

Joke 3
paddy says to mick, "iam thinking of divorcing the wife, she has,nt spoke to me in over 4 months". mike replies , "you best think it over very carefully paddy women like that are hard to find."

Joke 4
I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tyre and then roll me down a hill - yes they were good years...

Joke 5
My wife grabbed my new phone & shouted "You're obsessed with this bloody thing. It gets more attention than me, I'm gonna throw it against the bloody wall!"

"Wait!" I shouted "At least let me put it in flight mode first"

GLR xGlitch Itx

Posts : 45
Join date : 2012-08-14
Age : 28
Location : N. Ireland

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